warmth, closeness, breathing, space, shadows, light, warmth
i was already pensive, as my closest had suffered a maajor disaster
SassyPants, my new (MySpace) freind blogged this today,
and it resonated with my day emotionally
“Smothering…
This afternoon a friend of mine told me she wanted to be smoothered. She wasn’t talking about some scary sexual fetish. She wanted to be covered in a love so overwhelming that you can scarcely breathe, nor do you want to. I knew her meaning, having had that very desire myself. To inhale and exhale with another person, feeling them all around you, on all sides and you are blissed out as a result.And then later, another woman told me that she’s being feeling smothered by a friendship she’s been willingly participating in. She has been encouraging the attention and affection of someone who is quite taken with her and has decided it’s too much to take. Smothered. She said the word with fear in her voice. She’s very independent, she told me. She can’t change that about herself, nor does she care to. Her friend’s behavior is alien to her and she can’t even fathom how her own behavior has contributed to her situation.As for me, I long for someone to be sweet to me. I look forward to the time when my voice on the other end of the phone consistently makes another person happy. I’m a do-er, more likely to smother than be smothered. I try to watch myself, but I’m not always successful.
Here’s to each of us looking for what we don’t seem to have. I hope we find it. And soon.
….
my friend who wanted to be smothered was longing for closeness. The woman who was afraid of being smothered feared a closeness that is so very close to my friend’s desire. To be held and cherished, to feel it all around you. Those things make her nervous, where they just make me envious.”
(monte):somethings written by Be had been on my mind and in my heart’s eye,
among them:
“when i fell on my knees
i discovered legs
saw them rising, smoothly curving on their way up, far beyond my sight
never knew legs could fill the sky like that
when my eyes overflowed with tears
i finally knew about thirst
how the water, filling those oceans, slowly poured down my throat
amazing my tounge on its way
when my body fell stiff
i was hoping for you
your arms, strong n steady as im sure they would be, catching me
as i fall
from the sky
to the ocean
hoping
for you”
(monte):
i wish i had the strength to catch the whole world,
i’m still falling down myself
need what you don’t have?
people need each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this fit here, from Sassy also, last month:
“Love is…
“Love is…Sometimes I’m in love with the whole world. My heart fills up with love, overflows with it. And I want to rain it down on everyone I see. If we all just gave away the love the world would somehow be even more beautiful than it is. I want to put my arms around my friends and my family and the nice woman who held the door for me and let them feel the living energy moving through me. I want my old pain healed and it seems possible right now, if I can just keep loving this way.”(monte): i feel what they are saying, very much soi want to smother the world with love (deemed GOOD by my nerve systems)
precisely because
the world smothers me with need (deemed OVERLOAD by my systems)
on OVERRIDE (’cause love don’t quit)
still playin on the teeter-totter?
know there is a reason (and that it’s all ok by me)
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field.
I’ll meet you there.
